Write Now with Dr. Alina Kastner
Today's Write Now interview features Dr. Alina Kastner, author of BREAK UP WITH NARCISSISM: HOW TO BREAK UP FREE AND STAY FREE.
Who are you?
Hi! I am Dr. Alina Kastner! A psychotherapist, sex therapist, organizational and business psychologist, an author, and most importantly, a mother. I’m based in Vienna, Austria.
What do you write?
I started writing when I was 9 – i wrote poetry every time I was sad. At one point when i was around 30, I said to my therapist, you know, I love my poetry but it is always sad! Is that normal? She answered that have you ever seen a happy poem by Rainer Maria Rilke? (I later found out he did write a couple of happy ones, but they are predominately sad). This was both a permission slip and a challenge. For years, I wrote from a place of sadness, believing it was the only true wellspring of creativity.
My debut book I wrote after my publishing mom reached out to me and asked me to – but I have been wanting to share for a long time and just had loads of respect from actually self-publishing. It was born from a different kind of pain - the heartbreak of narcissistic abuse. I could no longer keep the healing process to myself; it was a manuscript that demanded to be written for my clients and anyone else navigating that particular desert.
I did not write when I was happy – it seemed to not evoke the same creativity than when I was sad. But when I was looking forward to my child, I wrote one poem for him/her before getting pregnant which was happy and beautiful. I shared it with many friends longing to get a baby who framed it in their living room. Now they are all mothers! It’s beautiful. I love writing as it gives shape to my thoughts and feelings and in the best case can touch people’s hearts and lead them to a better place.
Where do you write?
I write in my living room or at my desk overlooking the Viennese forest (Wienerwald). I need it quiet, maximum instrumental piano music, me and my laptop and that’s it.
When do you write?
When I am sad. When I am touched. I used to only write in the mornings (my favorite time oft he day) and throughout the day but now I also write when I am happy, even overflowing with joy. I write my son love letters every now and then in a little album that i will give to him when he is older. So since 7 months, I now only write when my son is sleeping in the evenings around 7pm. ☺
I do not set time limits or deadlines – I only had my deadlines for my book, but i was always weeks ahead. When I write it flows and I don‘t need to stress myself.
Why do you write?
Strong emotions fuel my writing – whether sad or happy, they create this „force“ of nature that they need to „come out of me“.
How do you overcome writer's block?
I respectfully decline to participate – and I then just wouldn’t write ;) I am not depended on my writing as I am not purely an author and it is something I simply do for pure pleasure. I secretly assume that writer's block isn't anything bad –and shouldn’t be seen as a barrier, but rather an invitation to go out and refill the (empty) well. The writing will return when it's ready, and it's most likely worth the wait!
Bonus: What do you enjoy doing when not writing?
When I do not write, I love to read, meditate, daily time spent in nature with my son and dog, often on horseback, eat chocolate, cuddle, get cozy in front of a fireplace and hang out with friends or family.
And honestly? I’ve always been a bit of a study nerd. I love learning! Soaking up knowledge, collecting facets, and discovering nuanced new ways to understand myself and the world. I chose to enroll at an arts high school in Ottawa, then ended up learning Russian in Moscow at Lomonosov University (MGU) due to pure interest in the Russian language (no I don’t speak it anymore unfortunately, but I learned a lot in that country.). After that, I wandered over to the London School of Economics for a business psychology master, and eventually dove headfirst into what feels like a hundred different styles of therapy (very unusual- you are supposed to stick to one school): sex therapy in Germany, EFT in the UK, MBEP in the US… if there was a course, I probably took it. All of it has shaped me and my curiosity, my joy in learning, and my very clear calling to become a therapist.
My thanks to Alina Kastner for today's interview.
