Advent, Waiting, and the Year of Transitions

The end of the year is a time for reflection and recalibration. While I've never been one to make New Year's Resolutions, there is value in looking at the year that was and setting goals for the year that will be. So, today, let's take a quick trip down memory lane and glimpse at where that road leads.

My 2023 was largely about transitions. And, honestly, my year didn't really begin until July.

My former partner and I filed for divorce in late March. Yet, the way Florida law works, you wait for a court date that is randomly assigned to you. So, I spent the first half of the year waiting.

There were things that happened in those first six months. I took a short vacation, played tennis, and established myself at work, but behind the scenes, I was kind of drifting. I could see the next chapter in the coming pages but couldn't skip ahead.

Looking back, those few months were spent in anticipation. Sure, no one gets excited about divorce, and the last year and a half of the separation weren't great. Yet, I made my peace with everything once we decided to file the paperwork. From then on, the decisions were no longer in my hands, and I began to think about how I wanted to experience life.

Right now, we're in the season of Advent. In my ministry days, I loved the idea of Advent but always hated the execution. Advent is supposed to be the season of waiting and anticipation for the coming Christmas celebration. It's supposed to be a time of preparation and calm.

Yet, instead, we fill the season with as many activities as possible. End-of-year concerts and recitals and parties and plays and gifts and events and, oh my, I'm exhausted! Advent teaches that if we only focus on doing and leave out the anticipation, the celebrations get overwhelming and we kind of miss the whole point.

It's ironic looking back and writing this now, but those few months from April through July were my Advent Era. I was in the season of waiting to start my new life.

The anticipation, the waiting, helped me prepare for the coming major change in my life. It was scary and confusing, but it also allowed me the time to reflect. It allowed me to plan who I wanted to be and how I wanted to live.

I chose to enter my Wayseeker Era, experiencing everything that came my way. Disney became my second home and frequent after-work hangout. I reconnected with old friends, started growing (and killing) houseplants, found my preferred decor, joined a book club, and traveled to NYC for a tennis match.

Life is about balance. We can't always be on the go, and we can't always be waiting. We need a little of both to experience all that life truly has to offer.

Lately, I've been reading about the Japanese concept of wabi sabi. It's WAY too nuanced an idea for me to do it justice here and it even has different meanings depending on the iteration or use. But, the general core of wabi sabi is that there is beauty in imperfection and that things change as they age.

Related to landscapes, objects and even human beings, the idea of wabi sabi can be understood as an appreciation of a beauty that is doomed to disappear, or even a ephemeral contemplation of something that becomes more beautiful as it ages, fades, and consequently acquires a new charm.

I don't know what 2024 will bring. I'll spend the next few weeks enjoying family and friends and building anticipation while enjoying the overall imperfections of life. There's beauty to living this way, and I will continue seeking it.

The Dark Side of Newsletter Subscriptions

While there's beauty in imperfection, I'm having a hard time finding the joy in one of the most difficult parts of managing a paid newsletter: chargebacks. A chargeback occurs when someone reports a certain expense to their bank as "fraud."

Now, fraud is a very strong word that I take extremely seriously. I will never improperly use anyone's credit card, nor does Stripe give me the ability to see anyone's card numbers in the first place. Yet, some people still use chargebacks as a method of unsubscribing.

When a chargeback occurs, you get a notice from Stripe to provide evidence to the credit card company proving the purchase was legitimate. Now, here's where it gets tricky. The proof the credit card company wants is a signature. Stripe (and almost all online payments) don't capture signatures. So, instead, I have to provide the receipt, a copy of my terms of service, the person's activity, and the Stripe metadata for the transaction. It's a lot of work, a waste of time, and, despite the proof, almost guaranteed to fail since the credit card companies generally take the word of the customer.

Ironically (and another point against Substack), Substack provides little support when a chargeback occurs. I had two during my time with them, and while they said they filed all the evidence necessary, I could never see the evidence and never won a case.

Oh, I didn't even mention the best part about chargebacks. They come with fees! Not only do I have to provide all of the evidence, but the chargeback immediately deducts the full refund value plus a fee -- in this case, 75% of the refund. I only get my money back if I win the dispute. In other words, I'm guilty until proven innocent.

Chargebacks are the absolute worst. If you're unhappy with a subscription, let me know. Hell, you can even unsubscribe at any point yourself. Don't report something as fraud when it most certainly is not.

Ok, I'm off my soapbox.