I’m a Slave to My Wrist

Two weeks ago I took advantage of a Target sale and picked up an Apple Watch for $85 off. It was an impulsive purchase.

We went to Target so my wife could purchase one. She had been thinking about it for some time and thought it would help her be more active. She planned. I didn’t.

We bought hers and started to go to the other side of Target to do our grocery shopping. Why there are other stores, I don’t really know.

It was about the time we walked into the produce isle to look at the pathetic cucumbers when I realized I too wanted an Apple Watch. Why? I don’t really know. I’ve never worn a watch. I hate notifications. But for some reason the idea of new technology and a bargain beckoned me back to the electronics department.

“Didn’t you just buy a watch?”

Yes, Target clerk, I did. But now I’m buying another one because I’m impulsive and not as frugal as I’d like to think I am so please just ring it up and here is my Red Card for another 5% thank you very much.

“That was for her, this is for me.”

That’s how I came to have this new thing that requires plugging in at night attached to my wrist at all times. At all times.

I’ve been conditioned like you train a new dog. My wrist tingles slightly and the pleasant bell rings and I do whatever the watch asks of me. It’s like on LOST when they found the fish cookie machine. I am basically a polar bear begging for fish cookies.

The watch tells me to breath and I do so. It tells me to stand up and walk around and I do so. If it told me to jump off a cliff, I’d probably wonder why, but then I’d do so.

“I’ll be right back in time for our meeting. My watch just told me to get up and move so I’m going to walk up and down the stairs.”

“Do you always do what your watch says?”

Yes. Yes, I do.

In just ten days the watch¹ has become my master. I think of nothing more than filling up the pretty rings with colors so my wrist will tingle and tell me I did a good job. I’m like a child.

But hey, I might no longer have free will and have zero control over my actions, but I am healthier and much more active than I was two weeks ago. Right?

¹: Actually, it should be Watch, with a capital W. I need to give my new overlord the proper respect it so rightly deserves.