I now want to play Sim City 2000 again...

A few years later my family got our first computer connected to the Internet. But instead of AOL, we went with a local provider that took us straight to the web without having to jump through any third party’s hoops. I had complete access to the information of the world without the need for silly keywords and could pull up anything that a 56kbps modem would allow. I was living the high life.

With this new found freedom came the desire to claim my own piece of cyber real estate. This desire grew until a Geocities account was procured and HTML became a second language. At this point I became able to bend the Internet to my very whim and developed a sense that the Internet was created to be used in any way I saw fit. The Internet was mine for the taking and no one could tell me how I was to use it.

But as the Internet continued to develop a funny thing happened, it became social. I can’t put my finger on when exactly this pivotal moment occurred, but I do remember being a junior in college when a little website sprung up that was only accessible by people with college email addresses and even then only to a small group of schools across the country. That’s right, I was on Facebook before Facebook was cool.

Facebook was this new and wondrous place where I could connect with friends as close as the room next door and as far as the other side of the country. I could interact with them, share pictures and even poke them if I felt so inclined — though I still have no idea what the purpose of poking really is. It was like the opening of the wild west for the digital age.

As Facebook grew and expanded so did the social web. Comment boxes showed up on everyone’s blog and even some mainstream websites. Message boards become more active and, at times, heated. The web became something demanding interaction and I dove in head first. The Internet became, and still is, all about bringing people together.

But in this new social web something was lost, at least initially. The glory days of bending the Internet to my whim was lost to writing on friends walls and commenting on their blogs. I became stuck in this construct of using the Internet the way it was presented to me. It was ten years ago looking at AOLs gateway access and keywords all over again. I was being tied down and I didn’t even realize it. That was until I started using the star.

I first saw the star on Twitter some two years ago. It was this funny thing that sat next to every post waiting for me to click it. There was a list of “Favorites” that corresponded with the star but no instruction or explanation was given. The star could be anything I wanted it to be. I started staring posts that were funny, overly pointed, or that I agreed with spot on so that I could return to them whenever I desired. The star was the start of my social web awaking.

@ebertchicago

Before long I started using Google Reader to manage my extensive RSS collection and it too had a star feature. Instead of “Favorites,” Google collected the stars as “Stared Items” and again came with no explanation. So I used it in much the same way, collecting stuff I might want to read again or things that I didn’t have time to read while going through all the feeds. The star allowed me to break the construct of using the social web as it was provided. It gave me another option, one that was open ended and unique to me. My staring philosophy is probably different from yours but that’s ok, in fact, that’s what makes the star such a wonderful addition to the social web.

But it didn’t end with the star. I went through a brief period with Tumblr awhile back which allowed me to discover the heart. Like the star, Tumblr allowed marking posts that I found interesting or enjoyed or just wanted to save with a nice little heart. However Tumblr merged the open ended nature that I loved about the star with the closed construct that I didn’t like about the social web: it referred to the heart as “Likes” and also notified the poster that I “liked” their post. I was again being thrown into a box of sorts. But Tumblr’s heart wasn’t the only box a “Like” system would attempt to throw me into as Facebook’s thumbs up would be much worse.

Facebook, the pioneer of the digital frontier, created a “Like” system that gave no control over the information to me and instead only notified the poster that I “Liked” their contribution to the Internet. Ironically Facebook’s “Like” system reminded me of everything I disliked (pun intended) about the social web. I could like it but once that was done I couldn’t ever do anything about it again. Once again, Facebook was forcing me to use the web the way they wanted me to do so.

I don't like this.

And that seems to be their mantra. Their “Like” system is showing up all over the Internet now in an effort to force use of the web in the way they see fit. No stars, no hearts, just arbitrary thumbs ups that ultimately connect everything back to Facebook. I simply have to hold onto hope that, just as Facebook’s creation marked the first major Internet renaissance so too will it’s “Like” system. Though instead of a renaissance that gears my Internet usage in the direction they see fit, I hope the next major revival is driven by a refusal to adapt to Facebook’s will and returns open ended control back to you and me.

I went to this site and inserted this tweet:

I’ve learned many things having this hole in my back, one of which is that showering at night is more relaxing then doing so in the morning.

I hit find equilibrium and that’s when the magic happened. What’s equilibrium, you ask? Equilibrium is achieved when the English text is translated into Japanese and then back into English without any of the words changing.

Enjoy a few gems complete with wittyless commentary:

I have behind me a lot, but this hole is a learned one, for a shower to relax more at night and morning.

I do have a lot behind me, but I usually don’t tweet about that. The hole, however, is a learned one. In the short month it’s been hanging out on my back, the hole has picked up a complete Masters of Economics. Impressive, I know.

I’m more relaxed, a lot of showers in the evening and the morning has a hole in the back of this research.

I’m not really sure where the research came into play, but I am much more relaxed after doing some. Or it. I’m not really sure what the proper pronoun is there. Taking a lot of shower in the evening and the morning tends to do that to you. Regardless, I’ve got a whole in the back of this research I need to attend to. Or is it too? I think I need to take another shower.

After 21 translation steps, equilibrium was found.

I have a hole in the back of this study, the number of showers in the evening, this morning, is to relax.

Apparently, the hole in my back has completed it’s Doctoral Thesis and determined that after taking many showers in the evening, the purpose of this morning is to relax. Or something like that. I really have no idea. All I do know is translating things back in forth makes for some really hilarious results and something worth putting here. So, yeah. There you go.

Thanks to Oh My Seven for the link.

This week Facebook began rolling out another new layout to it’s various users and I finally joined the party yesterday. My initial reaction was a simple one, Facebook want’s to be Twitter. The new newsfeed looks eerily similar to Twitter’s simple design. Replace Facebook’s new “What’s on your mind?” with Twitter’s “What are you doing?” and you might not be able to tell them apart. This isn’t by any means a bad thing. Twitter’s design is simple and easy to follow, so copying it for Facebook’s purposes makes sense.

Facebook actually does Twitter one better by threading comments (Twitter would call them replies) inline. This connects conversations and makes stalking your friends — because that’s really what Facebook’s purpose is — much easier. What’s odd, though, is Facebook’s implementation of wall posts. Instead of having some sort of threaded conversation, like the comments, wall posts are indicated by a little triangle pointing at who the post was directed towards. Giving commented posts and wall posts vastly differing designs seems odd and they don’t seem to mesh well together. Perhaps over time that aspect of the design will flush out.

The other thing Facebook significantly changed in this round of redesigns is their sidebar. What used to be a massive hodgepodge of separated boxes containing all sorts of information is now a more streamlined version of itself. Why the first “story” in the list is larger than the rest seems a bit strange, but the rest of the layout is nice. You can quickly see what groups people are joining, notes they are writing, etc. Note the empty space between the first and second story is due to my ad-blocking script. Normally that space would be filled with some annoying add asking you whether you like it or not — as if any advertisements are liked. But I digress.

The final major change this time around isn’t really aesthetic, though it effects the aesthetics of the site. It’s the filters and the privacy options. Finally the Friend List feature comes in handy. Not only can Friend Lists be used to control what information certain groups of people are allowed to see on your profile, they can now be used to easily control what information you see on your news feed. Since clicking on these Friend List filters produces a hard url rather than a dynamic page, you can change your Facebook bookmark to one such filter to control what you see when visiting the site. It’s a great way to control what information you see. Granted, if you visit someone’s profile, or picture, or anything else on the site and then return to the homepage filters will be rest to the general News Feed one.

Another way to control what information you see in the feed are the little “x” boxes that show up next to each post while the mouse hovers over them. This is a great new feature. Click the x and you’ll never see updates in the news feed from that person again. It’s a thing of beauty really. Gone are the odd sliders that didn’t seem to really effect the feed at all and, frankly, this is a much better option.

Last August Facebook redesigned for the sake of redesigning. This time around they actually redesigned for the sake of functionality. Based on Twitter comments and Facebook status people aren’t currently too fond of this new transition though perhaps it’s just the initial shock of the change. This update seems to be smartly implemented and, in a time when Facebook seemed to be getting a lot of bad press, this is actually a good move on their part.

Do you agree that the new Facebook doesn’t suck at all? Or do you feel like I’m completely coming out of left field? Let me know in the comments.

What do you get when you search 'Twitter' on Google Images? iJustine.

• David Crowder
  David Crowder, of David Crowder*Band fame, is a very funny and poignant writer. His book, Praise Habit, was a very fun and insightful read. His witty humor would fit well into my Twitter feed.
• Kevin Smith
  Silent Bob Kevin Smith is one of the funniest writer/directors working in the business. With such fine specimens as Dogma, Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back, and Chasing Amy, how could 140 character quips not be good?
• Sir Richard Branson
  What could one of the worlds most eccentric billionaires and smartest businessmen say in 140 characters or less? I don’t really know but I’m sure it’d be interesting.
• Yogi Bera
  Come on, how could this not be a good thing?
• Conan O’Brien
  I’ve always liked Conan and thought that his show is the funniest of all the late night TV, but after seeing him on Inside the Actors Studio I’ve decided that Conan is basically a genius. 140 character quips from him would be pretty much awesome.
• Zach Braff
  The guy is a great writer (see Garden State) a fan of really great music (see Garden State soundtrack or any episode of Scrubs) and probably pretty funny. A Zach Braff Twitter stream would probably be pretty cool.

As a bonus, here’s someone who actually is on Twitter but hasn’t said anything: Joel McHale. Host of The Soup. Need I say more? Granted, this might not really be him, but according to LeVar Burton, it is. He really needs to say something now and then.

Best Olympic Moment Not Involving Michael Phelps

The Olympics were two of the greatest weeks of 2008 and there were dozens of amazing moments ranging from the incredible Opening Ceremonies to the unforgettable I Love Beijing theme song. There were so many great moments this year it’s hard to choose just one that stands out. Ok, that’s a lie. There’s one moment that was far better than any other and is, quite frankly, the greatest moment in aquatic sports history. The Justie for the Best Olympic Moment Not Involving Michael Phelps goes to Jason Lezak’s amazing comeback in the 4×100 relay which won the USA a gold and created one hell of a story. There has never been a comeback quite like that nor has there been an instance of shear determination. Way to go Lezak, way to go.

Greatest Thing on TV

All in all, it’s been a pretty crappy year for TV. The Writers Strike cut a lot of seasons short and seemed to affect the quality of TV for this season as well. So the pool to draw from here is obviously pretty slim. But there were some stand outs. The Office and 30 Rock have been stellar and new shows Fringe and Life on Mars have been entertaining. But one show has been better than the rest, so the Justie for Greatest Thing on TV goes to Chuck. Chuck is consistently entertaining and just quirky enough to be endearing but it was “Chuck Verses Tom Sawyer” that pulled it in. Twin Galaxies, arcade games and Rush? Can’t get much better than that.

Best Unintentional Use of Keywords to Drive in Search Engine Traffic

People search for funny things on the internet. Some people spend tons of money and time trying to figure out the best combination of Julianne Hough, Will Smith, Taylor Swift, Britney Spears, Tom Cruise, the Jonas Brothers and Wil Wheaton to get their search engine ranking high enough for people to notice. Around here I do things a little different. I write things and then see how people find them. If a Miley Cyrus mention gets slipped in, well, so be it. It was earlier this year while perusing my site logs that I came across this category’s winner. The Justie for Best Unintentional Use of Keywords to Drive in Search Engine Traffic goes to this post about Chinese food and Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno. I’ll let you figure out what people were searching for.

Crappiest Thing to Happen to Someone Other Than Me

A lot of crappy things happened in 2008 including hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, fires and a new Rambo movie. I jumped off a cliff and blacked out in the water, but I’m exempt from this category for obvious reasons. No, there was one crappy thing that unfortunately deserves this Justie; the Crappiest Thing to Happen to Someone Other Than Me Justie goes to the economy. Sure, I’m affected indirectly, but whatever. The economy pretty much sucked this year and have put hundreds of thousands out of work. Unfortunately it looks like it may get worse before it gets better but one thing is for certain, it will get better. Here’s to hoping that the economy earns the 2009 Justie for the Greatest Thing to Happen to Someone Other Than Me.

Most Addicting Social Media Outlet

Hello my name is Justin and I’m a social media addict. This year there were plenty of social media sites begging to earn an addiction: Facebook, Shelfari, Strands, and Last.fm just to name a few. But there was one that stood out far above the rest — possibly combined. The Justie for the Most Addicting Social Media Outlet goes to Twitter. I wasn’t the only one addicted either. Not only did twitt rank as one of the years ‘buzzwords’, but now CNN even takes comments — and in some cases breaking news — from Twitter.

Strangest Nuance in a City I’ve Traveled To

This one is a tough one to call. I’ve been a number of places this year including Seattle, The Bahamas, New Orleans, Key West, North Carolina, Georgia and Utah. In those various places I’ve seen a fair share of strange things, like the odd traffic lights on the highway in Seattle, but by far the Strangest Nuance in a City I’ve Traveled To goes to Utah. Why Utah? Their numbering of streets is absolutely ridiculous. Everything is laid out in a grid, which makes sense, but that grid is far too large. For instance, we had to turn from S 700 E onto E 10600 S. Does that make any sense? Then, thrown into the middle of that was State St which does make sense. I don’t get it. Way to earn that Justie, Utah.

Coolest Thing of the Year

Despite all the crappy things that happened, 2008 had it’s share of some pretty cool things. Myron Rolle won a Rhodes Scholarship and I read Snow Crash, both pretty cool. The Dark Knight made a ton of money while the Devil Rays won the American League without any. Tiger Woods had the comeback of his career and Bill Gates ended his. All of these things are pretty cool, but only one can win the Award. The 2008 Justie for the Coolest Thing of the Year goes to The Olympics.

It was going to be pretty hard to beat the summer games. They began with the coolest Opening Ceremony ever performed (no video links available, stupid NBC) and included some unforgettable moments, a lot of which occurred in the pool. Michael Phelps won a record setting 8 gold medals, which will probably never happen again. Countless records were broken, smaller countries shined and for a few weeks in August the world actually came together and enjoyed each others company. You can’t really get much cooler than that.

All the Justies have been handed out and I’ve got nothing left for 2008. The ball will soon drop and bring in 2009. Let’s see what happens.

What I find pretty funny is the search terms people use to find the article. On the right is a snippet from the site stats here showing 18 recent search engine results that lead to articles on this site. Out of the 18 search terms shown, 14 involve the words “new Facebook sucks.” I guess people are searching this exact phrase looking for people to agree with, or maybe they’re looking for reasons why people think this way. One thing I know for a fact is that no one in the Facebook office searched these terms to find out exactly what people are thinking.

Since the new design has gone fully live I’ve noticed a few other things that bother me. The first is the implementation of Applications. When the design switched over I noticed that there were two applications on my profile that I didn’t know I still had installed. So, I pulled up the Applications page to remove them. Before, there was a simple “remove” link to click. Now, the Applications page has numerous tabs with labels that don’t really make sense. Clicking “remove” on one tab doesn’t remove the application from the other tabs. In order to remove the application in question I had to click half a dozen times to get through all the options and actually remove the app. What a joke. This is probably the single worst effect of the new “design.”

Another thing, that I found more funny than anything, is the updated “People You May Know” box on the front page. I like that they’ve added a line to tell you why you might know the person, but what gets me is how broad the qualifier is. For example:

First of all, I don’t know anyone named Armando but the qualifier here is that we both live in Orlando. According to 2007 statistics, Orlando has over 277,000 people. Evidently because we both live here Armando and I should know each other. This new feature has potential, if Facebook can narrow the qualifier down to something like graduating class. However, based on Facebook’s lack of attention to input from the first go around, I’m not going to hold my breath.

All in all I’ve found myself visiting Facebook less over the last few days and opting more for the iPhone version, which now makes more sense then the web version. Are you visiting Facebook less? What is it that still irks you about the new design? Let me know in the comments.

As you might have guessed, I can see similarities between this award making its rounds and the chain letters my mother ever-so-happily forwards (directly into my Spam folder, mind you ) or the tripe you might find on MySpace, sans the “death penalty” for not forwarding it to anyone. (I hope Justin doesn’t have to stab me with a spork under a blue moon in the middle of November for not passing this on.)

…

(On the other hand, though, there are some great opportunities for a “Six Degrees” game here. I’m just not motivated enough to follow through with it, though.)

No sporking on my end. In fact, I was just motivated enough to see how far back I could chase the chain mail (what a great analogy!). So, if you are daring enough, join me as I chase this award throughout the depths of the internet.

Oh My Seven gave me the award.

It’s 3 o’clock in the morning! gave her the award.

Free and Flawed gave him the award.

I’m a mom in real life gave her the award.

Two Knit Monkeys gave her the award.

Two Dogs Running gave her the award.

Unmitigated gave her the award.

Dogs and Jeans gave her the award.

The Blarney Spot gave him the award.

my2boyz gave him the award.

Diaries of a Domestic Goddess gave her the award.

A Daily Dose of Toni gave her the award.

MammaDawg gave her the award after creating it!

So there you have it. I found the bottom of the rabbit hole. Did I learn something along the journey? Yes. There are a lot of middle-aged women writing blogs on the internet. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing.

Behold, Justin Cox through the years:

Me in 1952. I was super awesome!

Me in 1960. I later went on to run the Harvard Chess Club.

Me in 1970. Perhaps I was the long lost son of Red Forman.

Me in 1982. Something tells me I couldn't be this groovy if I tried.

Me in 2001. No caption needed.

How awesome am I?