While the histories books have yet to be written, no one is going to be able to think of 2005 without thinking of Hurricane Katrina. In terms of shear devastation, there hasn’t been a storm to hit America that is quite like Katrina. One of the fiercest storms in recorded history, Katrina killed thousands of people and left New Orleans under water for over a month. Rebuilding is going to take years and the population of the region will never be the same. Katrina also brought racial and economical issues back into the forefront of American politics and because of this the total effect of Hurricane Katrina will not be felt for years to come.

Terrorism was in the news again this year with the horrific train bombings in London. Coordinated attacks went off on three London subway trains and a bus within thirty minutes of each other. London, however, turned the tide and released video footage of the bombers which lead on a swift investigation leading with arrests of other terrorists living and potentially operating in London.

The Supreme Court saw huge changes this year with the resignation of Sandra Day O’Connor and the death of William Rehnquist. John Roberts, first named to replace O’Connor, was then nominated, confirmed, and sworn in as the 17th Chief Justice of the Supreme Court. Alito has been nominated for O’Connor’s seat and confirmation hears have been set for early 2006.

Perhaps the biggest story of the last thirty years or so from a religious standpoint was the passing of Pope John Paul II and the Conclave that followed. After four elections, Joseph Ratzinger of Germany was elected the new Pope of the Catholic Church.

For a good portion of the year Nattalee Holloway dominated the news. First it was the story of her disappearance, then of the suspects, and eventually the ineptitude of the Aruban government. While all this coverage is just a little ridiculous, the tragedy of it all is that this girl was probably raped, killed, and dumped in the ocean and a few teenagers are going to essentially get away with the perfect crime.

In the legal world there was the Scott Peterson trial, the crazy ass “Runaway Bride” and of course, the lovable petifile Michael Jackson. Thats right folks, Jacko was acquitted of molesting that boy. There isn’t really much more to say about that case.

While I’m pretty much over writing this article as it became quite boring and I’m sure it’s quite boring to read, I’m going to wrap it up by saying that Iraq held three elections this year. Three. Incredible. Here is to 2006 and what the news will bring us in the coming 365 days. Perhaps I should start campaigning for next years Sexiest Geeks list.

Done.

Disclaimer: I did not write or compile this information. I merely received it in an email and therefore, I cannot vouch for its accuracy. However, from what I can tell, it seems to be a very unbiased compilation of information regarding Florida’s proposed amendments.

AMENDMENT 1

Official Title: Parental Notification of a Minor’s Termination of Pregnancy

Official Ballot Language: Proposing an amendment to the State Constitution to authorize the Legislature to require by general law for notification to a parent or guardian of a minor before the termination of the minor’s pregnancy. The amendment provides that the Legislature shall not limit or deny the privacy rights guaranteed to minors under the United States Supreme Court. The Legislature shall provide exceptions to such requirement for notification and shall create a process for judicial waiver of the requirement for notification.

Amendment Type: Legislative

Sponsor: Florida Legislature

Proponents: Florida Right to Life Committee

Proponents’ point of view: Proponents argue that it is critical for parents to be involved in helping their daughters make important decisions when pregnant and that parents should know when their daughters undergo surgery. Based on evidence from other states, proponents believe teenage abortion rates will go down if this is passed.

Opponents: Planned Parenthood and ACLU

Opponents’ point of view: The proposed amendment will limit the fundamental right to privacy. They believe notification laws postpone medical care and increase risk to patients. In addition, the opponents believe the ballot language is misleading to voters.

Your Vote: If you support this issue being added to the Florida Constitution as an amendment, vote yes. If you would like to keep this out of Florida’s Constitution, vote no.

I admit that the intro to my article made fun of Bush’s inarticulation, but my article focused on his policies. But you gotta admit, its pretty embarrasing having a president who builds up our nuclear program, but can’t pronounce “nuclear.”

To begin with, all that crap on the Bush website about saving the environment is just talk, sure he “supports those proposals,” that doesn’t mean he’s gonna make it happen. That’s a token gesture if there ever was one, and only lip service to placate the environmentalists, most of which see right through it. Why is Bush drilling all over the god damn place if he’s such a fan of renewable energy and conservation? He talks a lot of game, but his actions reveal his real allegiances — to the companies that financed his campaign: big oil and multinational corporations.

Your response to my referring to the average American as politically stupid and easily misled completely missed the point. Clearly, Americans have proven that they can be manipulated by their leaders since the public has just backed a completely unjustified war. How can you in good conscience vote to send more people our age to die in a country that (a) has never attacked us, (b) has never threatened to attack us, (c) is one of at least a half dozen hot spots around the world in which there are human rights abuses, and yet we are ignoring those because they are of no strategic interest, and (d) had no physical evidence of WMD’s, before OR after our invasion. The whole pre-emptive strike is the most ludicrous concept ever. If our inspectors had found evidence of nuclear weapons, MAYBE we could then send in troops, but when they didn’t find shit, we’re like “Too bad, we’re still gonna come kick your ass. Fuck the rest of the world’s protests.” That’s the basic message we sent — if you disagree with us, tough shit, cause we can bomb whoever we want, with our without global consensus. The president even sabotaged the whole inspection thing — he sent in a few CIA agents DISGUISED as weapons inspectors to spy on the Iraqis. Way to make a sham of the whole peace process, chief.

The old line about how Saddam is evil and had to removed is a bullshit argument. Of course Saddam’s evil, but it is documented and commonly known that we tolerated his massacres of the Kurds as long as he continued to facilitate our access to oil in the region. It was ONLY once he decided to invade Kuwait that we said “enough already.” But it wasn’t to protect the Kuwaiti people, oh no, we just used that as the perfect excuse to get into Kuwait and set up air bases there to further extend our imperial stretch into the Middle East and our leverage over oil prices. Bush senior clearly didn’t give a shit about the people there, because he promised the Iraqi people military support if they rose up and fought Saddam, then once Saddam retreated out of Kuwait, he REFUSED to go after him and left Saddam to murder all the Iraqi people we encouraged to resist. That’s the kind of people we’ve got leading us. Liars who seize any opportunity to further ensure “American” interests.

Here’s another fun fact. Did you know that immediately after Saddam heard that the US was pissed off about his invading Kuwait, he offered to settle the dispute with the US through peaceful negotiations, and made MULTIPLE peace offerings, even offering to retreat back into Iraq? And what did Bush Sr. do? He rejected them all flat out, saying “we won’t negotiate.” Why would he do this? Because he used the invasion, like I said, as an excuse to get his greedy little hands further into the Middle East. Then, to top it off he lied to the American people and said “I went to war as a last resort, only after all chances at diplomatic resolution repeatedly failed.” Sounds familiar. What a fucking liar. And the average American bought it completely, despite the fact that, if they bother to get their info from something other than the Bush-worshipping Fox network, they could learn the truth for themselves, from plenty of published sources. Hence, THE AVERAGE AMERICAN IS STUPID. Or, they just don’t care unless it directly affects them. Probably a combination.

9/11 was Bush Jr’s excuse to go back to the Middle East under the bullshit allegations that Saddam was somehow connected to Bin Laden. Are you beginning to see a family pattern here? This intelligence claim came from ONE IRAQI INFORMANT, as the 9/11 commission discovered. That is clearly not enough evidence to send a country to war. And yet we did. And I cannot understand how you think it was a good idea for Bush to ignore the U.N.’s protests. What the fuck good is a global peace organization when we can just circumvent it anytime we damn well please? Explain that to me, please. We act like we’re the God of this planet.

Here’s another idea — hypothetically, even if Iraq did have nukes, who the fuck are we to say they can’t? They didn’t threaten us, we shouldn’t get in their affairs. What, we can have nukes but no one else can? Why? And if we are deciding to play global police, then we should LISTEN TO THE REST OF THE WORLD when they disagree. But our administration is too self-righteous to back down or admit they’re wrong. I’m not saying previous presidents were much better, I’m saying the whole system is corrupt. Consider that India and Pakistan have nukes, and we’re not trying to take those away. They’re unstable too. Why all the double-standards? If you can offer some insight, Shannon, by all means, enlighten me.

You ended stating “And finally, you said that ‘there are intelligent responses to provocative material, and then there is Shannon’s response.’ If you are going to say that, at least get it right. There was only one response besides mine, so there was ‘an intelligent response’ not ‘responses.’ ”

Wow. I didn’t say there are intelligent responses to “my article,” I said “there are intelligent response to provocative material,” meaning not just mine, ALL material out there. I would think that was obvious. Read carefully first so your quips at least make sense.

Okay, first of all, I wrote that it was not meant to be a personal attack because it was intended to focus on the content of your article, and not of you as a person. So, in that respect, perhaps you are correct in that my last comment was personal. However, let’s just talk about your absurd, ridiculous allegations…

First of all, you stated that I accused you of “personally attack[ing] the president as a person,” which I did not. I said you were mudslinging, which is not at all the same thing. The first would be attacking him, and the second, to quote from Merriam-Webster.com “the use offensive epithets and invective especially against a political opponent.” This does not necessarily mean against the person, but rather against his policies and so forth. Either way, before you even begin your article, you’ve already done both. To quote from you, “Then again, if you’re my next subject, you can’t spell a lot of things. My teacher asked us to write about what pisses us off lately, and that, just like my subject, was a no-brainer: GEORGE W BUSH, commander-in-thief.” If that is not a personal attack against the president as a person, then I would like to know what is.

My first problem with your article was your statement that “the average person’s knowledge of world affairs began with the largely ignorant response to September 11th, which was then easily manipulated through patriotic public statements from our jingoistic president into a war in Iraq….” That is a huge, horrible accusation. Not only did you attack citizen’s knowledge of politics and current events, but then you continue to attack them regarding their ability to think for themselves by implying that they are so stupid they can be easily persuaded. Now, I realize that there is a large portion of U.S. citizens that do not pay attention to current events, but, and perhaps I am thinking optimistically here, I believe that the average person can properly analyze information and decide their own opinion on the issue. Here’s a funny thought…maybe they actually supported the president into a war in Iraq?!

Next, you alluded to Clinton’s presidency in comparison to Bush’s, as though sexual relations in the oval office were of equal value to trying to defend the nation and the world from weapons of mass destruction. True, none have been found, but that doesn’t mean that there weren’t, or that the threat wasn’t there. According to you, we apparently should have just sat around until we found out, after they starting using them, that there actually were weapons there. Furthermore, Bush’s action resulted in the capturing of dictator Sadam Hussein. I don’t think that anything of equal comparison resulted from Clinton’s inappropriate actions.

In addition, you accused Bush’s cutting of research into renewable energy and stated that his reason for doing so “all to please his rich big business constituents, as he continues to act as a lapdog for his campaign contributors, including more oil company donations than any other president in history.” I could go off into a tirade about Clinton’s campaign donations, since you think he is relevant in discussing this upcoming election, but I won’t. I will, however, suggest that his decision had more to do with his party’s political ideas rather than the reason you state. As Republicans traditionally prefer a smaller national government, they prefer to limit their spending to other things, which justifies his money spent on the military. Even so, you did not back up your comment, so I don’t know what you are referring to, and therefore can not properly defend it. However, according to the GOP’s website, “One part of the President’s Six Point Plan for the Economy is to pass a comprehensive national energy plan. The President looks forward to working with Congress to pass an energy plan that will reduce our dependence on foreign sources of energy and modernize our antiquated electricity delivery system… Businesses depend on affordable and reliable energy supplies. Energy shortages, price spikes, and blackouts disrupt the economy and discourage businesses from planning with confidence and adding new workers. President Bush has proposed a comprehensive national energy plan to upgrade the Nation’s electrical grid, promote energy efficiency, increase domestic energy production, and provide enhanced conservation efforts, all while protecting the environment. It’s time for Congress to finish its work and pass legislation based on the President’s energy plan.” Interesting, that sounds like the opposite of what you said.

Next, let’s discuss your little conversation that is supposedly representative of the “typical opinion.” You assert that the major opinion is that people thing we were attacked because Bin Laden and his country hate “freedom.” Are you kidding me? I’m not sure where you got that from that idea from. I don’t know about you, but I don’t know anyone who goes around believing every thing that the president says, or uses phrases like “just like the president says.” However, I think that it is more correct to say that a typical opinion is that the “they” you referred to have a hatred for the American ways and lifestyles, and not “freedom”. Of course, you say that that is “the single most destructive lie perpetuated by the Bush administration.” Furthermore, you also said that “often now days, even considering the enemy’s perspective means you’re a terrorist sympathizer who’s belittling the deaths of the WTC occupants.” I don’t think that people who are considering the enemy’s perspective are terrorists sympathizers, and I also don’t know anyone who does think that. I believe that what America stands for, and what we do in our relations with other countries, go hand in hand, and can’t really be separated. Past presidents of both parties have been involved in other’s countries for most of our national history, and I think most people believe that our past actions were related to 9-11. However, because America has been involved in other countries’ affairs long before the Bush administration, I don’t think the reasons they attacked us have any relevance to this election. Still, you claim that once we “demand leadership change and transparent government that terrorists acts will cease.” Dream on. And I thought I was the optimist.

Next, you said, “I guess it’s ok if Bush attempts to get every other country in the U.N. to back him, then only a couple do but goes ahead anyway, but Kerry, who actually has combat experience (however dubious, its more than Bush can say), doesn’t have the right to send troops… Talk about flip flopping.” I never said anything about either, so it’s interesting that you accused me of flip flopping. Yes, I do think that it’s okay that Bush went ahead into the way without UN support, but I also think that Kerry has the right to send troops as well. My comment was based on the idea that electing Kerry will equal automatic involvement of allies, which is ridiculous, because as I said, Bush attempted that and our allies did not want to be involved. So, Kerry can, by all means, send troops, and I never said otherwise. Also, I can’t find anywhere in my response where I supported the opposite of “leav[ing] the rest of the world alone.”

In addition, you also claimed that I was supportive of the war in Iraq, which I also cannot find any mention of in my comment. That is not to say that I do not support it, in some ways, but I never said that. Also, who do you think you are with your comment “it’s easy to support a war on foreign soil when you’re a girl in college with the absolute least chance of being drafted, should Bush reintroduce the draft next term. But do you believe in this war enough to go fight for it… ‘Cause if not, you shouldn’t support it.” According to you, I can’t support a war just because I’m not capable of fighting in it. First of all, no one would want me to be fighting in the war, because I’m sure I would be more of a burden than a help. But to say that you have to be eligible to do the actual fighting in a war in order to support it is the most ridiculous thing that I have ever heard. There’s an example of your “blind bias and hatred” right there.

And finally, you said that “there are intelligent responses to provocative material, and then there is Shannon’s response.” If you are going to say that, at least get it right. There was only one response besides mine, so there was “an intelligent response” not “responses.”

I’ve been at the highest emotional intensity in these months leading up to what could prove to be the most important election of our lifetime. I know I’m not alone in my utter amazement at the fact that our country seems poised to prolong the term of an administration who’s policies are some of the most regressive and dangerous to our future as is imaginable. My anger is divided equally among the people who are voting based solely on the extremely limited information presented by the mainstream media, and among the group of neoconservatives who have misled the public in order to further their political, imperial and religious agenda.

My disbelief in the average person’s knowledge of world affairs began with the largely ignorant response to September 11th, which was then easily manipulated through patriotic public statements from our jingoistic president into a war in Iraq that, with the publication of the 9/11 Report, has proven to be not even slightly connected to the Twin Towers attack. That alone, even among hardcore Republicans, should deter his reelection, and yet Bush is currently neck and neck with Kerry, an admittedly weak but far less dangerous opponent, in the polls. Apparently lying about a blowjob gets everyone talking about impeachment, but lying about weapons of mass destruction gets you re-elected by indifferent voters. Since Bush has been in power, he’s inadvertently done more to destabilize national security than strengthen it. People rarely mention that the U.S. is the world’s leading arms dealer, and Bush has single-handedly done more to further the proliferation of the nuclear threat and provoke a new arms race than his several predecessors by violating the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty with his “mini-nukes” proposal, rejecting treaties that would have banned germ warfare, and funding and coercing the Japanese to co-invest in the as-of-yet failed Theater Missile Defense system, which could cause a war between Taiwan and China, for starters.

Everyone has the right to his or her opinion, as long as it’s an informed one, but many of us were far too easily convinced of Bush’s good intentions when he was obviously trying to secure oil interests in the middle east, which we wouldn’t have to be so reliant on if Bush did the smart thing and invested in alternative fuel sources. Instead, he cuts research into renewable energy by 50%, cuts incentives for the production of more efficient automobiles, overturns Clinton’s 2004 auto manufacturer deadline for prototype high-mileage cars, and you even get a tax break if you drive a gas-guzzling SUV since its classified as a truck. All to please his rich big business constituents, as he continues to act as a lapdog for his campaign contributors, including more oil company donations than any other president in history. No wonder we’re so hopelessly dependent on Iraq. No one’s doing anything about North Korea, India, Pakistan or China, all of which we know for certain have gone nuclear. Of course none of them can gas up our Hummers. As if to further the side effect of environmental destruction caused by our massive pollution, Bush went on to back out of the Kyoto protocol on global warming which was signed by 178 other countries, make drilling requests for Alaska and in national parks, including on the Florida coast, cut the EPA’s budget by 500 million dollars, slacken environmental laws against corporations, and break his campaign promise to invest 100 million dollars a year in rain forest conservation.

It took the sledgehammer subtlety of filmmaker Michael Moore to even get a national dialogue on his botched 9/11 response, but even after that, few people seemed to bother seeking out the sources of “terrorist” aggression towards the U.S. for themselves. I don’t know if its xenophobia, or just that no one cares that much, but when going to war, you should always, “Know your enemy and know yourself,” as Sun Tzu said, yet few people I know attempted to either learn the truth about the foreign policies our country engages in which go unreported, or why someone like Osama bin Laden would hate us so much that he’d attack us. I recalled a conversation I had with a friend of mine immediately following September 11th that was a typical opinion on the subject:

“Man, Andy, did you see the news today? I’m so addicted to CNN now, I can’t wait until they kill that coward Bin Laden.”
-”Just out of curiosity, why do you think he’s a coward?”
“What do you mean? He killed thousands of innocent people! He’s insane!”
-”Look, he’s clearly not insane because this kind of plot obviously required meticulous planning. And America kills civilians too, although we just fire unmanned cruise missiles hundreds of miles and then apologize for the “collateral damage,” a euphemism we wouldn’t have to use if our “surgical strikes” actually were such. I think the impersonal way we kill is more cowardly than flying a plane into a building yourself and sacrificing your life. Why do you think they attacked us? Because we do things like that.”
“That’s not why they attacked us, they hate America and they hate freedom, like the president says.”
“That is the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard, no one “hates freedom.” Bush just says shit like that because it demonizes the enemy. They attacked us because we finance the murders of thousands of Muslims around the world all the time. We send 2 billion dollars a year to Israel and sell them Blackhawk helicopters so they can kill off Palestinians from their own homes. Isn’t it more than coincidental that we armed Osama bin Laden when he fought the Russians and traded with Saddam Hussein as he gassed the Kurds, but only when they turned against us did we label them the new Hitlers and tried to somehow link them together?”

Often now days, even considering the enemy’s perspective means you’re a terrorist sympathizer who’s belittling the deaths of the World Trade Center occupants. Since when has criticizing America become unpatriotic? Everyone freaks out when we’re finally attacked on our own soil, but if you ask someone about all of our insurgencies across the globe that we’ve participated in, most people couldn’t find them on a map. For fun, ask someone if they know what terrorism we participated in on September 11th, 1973 in Chile. If you call America what it is, an empire, that upsets people, or if you question why we have a mercenary army which maintains military bases in nineteen other countries. Why doesn’t, say, Japan have military bases here? Why not, we’ve got one of the biggest in the world in Okinawa? And what the hell are all these bases doing, besides making the locals feel like they’re being occupied and ensuring that prostitution becomes each country’s most lucrative source of income?

This leads to perhaps the single most destructive lie perpetuated by the Bush administration, the idea that terrorists attacked us because of what America stands for, rather than what America does around the world. All the discreet interventions by the CIA, all the covert overthrows of foreign governments to install America-friendly puppet dictators who allow corporations access to their labor force, trade and raw materials, all the dictators who then go on to run oppressive totalitarian regimes, often resulting in Muslim and many others’ suffering while we not only turn a blind eye and, more importantly, blind media coverage and then hypocritically denounce human rights abuses of other countries, this, this is why terrorists attack us. And it won’t be until Americans accept this hard fact and demand leadership change and transparent government that terrorists acts will cease.

For the mean time, we’re stuck with a president whose superior, reductive world view and disregard for foreign criticism has set up not only an us-verses-the-rest-of-the-world mentality, his constant Christian evocations equate to an “our God can beat up your God” position on foreign policy that has ushered in what is fast becoming a “Holy Cold War.”

In case you haven’t heard, the once dubbed “Pop Princess” has officially married… again. A few days ago Britney Spears married some guy in a private “family only” ceremony. I wonder if the guy she got married too while she was drunk in Vegas was there. That would be interesting. I also wonder why it was considered “family only.” You think Britney would be trying to clean up her image. I mean, a kiss with her new husband is probably going to pick up better press then a kiss with Madonna. Wait, who am I kidding? Anyway, the fact that Britney is again married is going to kill her career–not that she really has one anymore, but you know, its all relative. I can see her trying to ride on “The Newlyweds” coattails and try to get a show of her own, but face it, Britney just isn’t as stupid as Jessica Simpson. So Britney, sorry to say, but your time has come and gone.

BREAKING NEWS:
This just in exclusively to Lone Palm Creations, President Bush makes deal with God to prevent further hurricane devastation in Florida.

LPC has just unearthed a memo written by God to Mother Nature. The exclusive document explains how God agreed to stop sending hurricanes into Florida in order to help President Bush get reelected. LPC has verified God’s signature in the memo as authentic based on past memos in our archive. Here is the document in its entirety:

Expect more on this breaking story as it develops, and remember you heard it here first.

In other news, McDonald’s France has hired on the Olsen Twins to be their new spokes-ah-twins. The two and only, newly legal, Mary-Kate and Ashley will not only be trying to sell the McArtery-Cloger to their millions of French fans, but they will also be putting Mary-Kate and Ashley toys in French Happy Meals. Ok, correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Mary-Kate just take a ride in rehab because of an “eating disorder?” I guess McDonald’s doesn’t care. Maybe the French don’t either. But does anyone else find this a little strange. I wonder what happens when someone goes from being anorexic to eating McDonalds all the time. The guy from Super Size Me should look into that. Here is the premise: Take little anorexic Mary-Kate Olsen and follow her around for a month, only allowing her to eat McDonald’s food. I think she would explode. It’d make millions. And hey, its not like the world would be any worse off, we’d still have Ashley.

This just in: LPC can no longer say with great certainty that the document produced earlier is authentic. We are very sorry for this very unfortunate turn of events and in no way intended to mislead the public or affect the presidential election. In our defense, Dan Rather gave the memo to LPC and personally assured us that John Kerry assured him the memo was indeed authentic. Again, LPC is sorry for this.

Ok, so Bush didn’t make a deal with God and Dan Rather didn’t give us any memo. But let me say this about the upcoming election. I could care less about what Senator Kerry did or didn’t do in Vietnam. Likewise, I don’t care whether or not President Bush got special treatment in getting into the National Guard. This election should be about what the person will do as President of the United States of America. Bush has four years of experience under his belt and, like it or not, he is running on it. Kerry has twenty years of experience in the US Senate but is he running on that? No, of course not, that would be silly. What is more important, of course, is the four months Kerry spent in Vietnam thirty years ago. Listen people, there is only a short time left before the election. The debates are just around the corner. Make your decision on who to vote for based on policy and not the mudslinging and crap that doesn’t really matter. And if you are eligible to vote, but aren’t registered, October 4th is the deadline to do so.

Finally, I just celebrated my twenty-second birthday; I am currently one sixth of the way through my senior year here at Florida State University and have absolutely no idea what my “Service Operations” class is all about. Test in there on Thursday. I think I’m going to try and figure out just what it is.

The first big news story of 2003 was, regrettably, a tragic one. On February 1st, NASA’s shuttle Columbia disintegrated upon reentry killing all seven crew members onboard. This was the first major loss to NASA since the Challenger tragedy in 1986. Debris from the shuttle was found over much of the United States. In August, NASA confirmed that faulty heat-shield tiles were to blame for the disaster and vowed to check every inch of the remaining three shuttles in its fleet. The shuttle program is still grounded and is said to remain so well into 2004.

Arguably the largest story of 2003 is that of the war in Iraq. The problem escalated until March 19th when a coalition of nations — mainly the US and the UK — began Operation Iraqi Freedom. The goal was to finally end Saddam Hussein’s totalitarian rule over the Iraqi people. A swift bombing campaign was followed by a massive swell of ground troops who marched into downtown Baghdad on April 9th. On that day the immense statue of Saddam at the city square was torn down for the world to see. It would be a good eight months later, on December 14th at 7:30am EST when Paul Bremer announced “We got him.” Ironically Saddam’s capture came not in a hale of bullets but with a cowardly surrender.

2003 also saw the first successful recall of a state governor. Gray Davis was effectively thrown out of office with an October 7th vote that in turn installed non other then Arnold Schwarzenegger as the new governor of California. Schwarzenegger vowed, in an extremely impressive inauguration speech, to fix California’s problems and get the power back to the people.

One of the most obnoxious stories of 2003 has to be the constant press that Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez — AKA JLo — received. The press focused constantly on the upcoming wedding and how much in love the two were. That was until July 15th with the release of Gigli. Considerably one of the worst pieces of film ever made, (The Internet Movie Database has Gigli ranked in the top 10 of the bottom 100 movies in history. Also up there is From Justin to Kelly.), Gigli bombed at the box office and reports came out saying that the wedding was now off. Frankly I don’t really give a crap what the new story on them is, so I’m ending this segment here.

It’s hard to call it the fad of 2003, but in a way, it kind of is. Severe Acute Repository Syndrome, or SARS for short, swept the globe seemingly instantly killing 750 people in over 25 countries. SARS was a mystery until it was discovered by a scientist who later died from the very virus. The largest concentration of victims seemed to hit in Japan and Toronto. Shortly before the virtual elimination of SARS from the globe, and thus the news, an Asian design firm unveiled designer SARS masks allowing people to stay safe and be fashionable at the same time.

The sports world saw some very odd occurrences in 2003. Tampa Bay won the Super Bowl. The Florida Marlins won the World Series. FSU lost to Georgia in the Orange Bowl and Ohio Sate beat Miami in the Fiesta Bowl to win the National Championship. The Orlando Magic went 1-19 to open their 2003-2004 season and FSU basketball went 9-0 to open theirs. It just goes to show that when it comes to sports you can’t take anything for granted.

Yes, a lot happened in 2003. So much that I have only briefly skimmed the surface with this trice recap. But here’s to the completion of one year and to a great year to come. All of us here at Lone Palm Creations wish everyone a merry Christmas/happy Hanukkah/merry Kwanza and a happy new year!

In today’s local news–which would be Orlando, Florida in case you didn’t know–Universal’s Islands of Adventure is reporting that a man who was riding the Dueling Dragons rollercoaster lost his $13,500 prosthetic leg. Dueling Dragons is an inverted rollercoaster, meaning ones legs dangle from the seats which are suspended to the track above. According to Universal IoA Risk Management, loss of prosthetic legs while aboard Dueling Dragons is quite common. He also reported that dive crews are scouring the lake in which the leg fell and are trying feverishly to find the leg. Moral of this story: make sure you’re leg is firmly attached before riding a rollercoaster.

In a story originally published in the August 18th issue of Newsweek and brought to my attention by the Phillips Phile (a local talk radio show found from 3-7 pm on Real Radio 104.1 or worldwide on XM channel 152), apparently more and more middle and upper class teenagers are becoming prostitutes. Newsweek talked with a girl who calls herself “Stacey” who is a “[c]ute, blonde and chatty” 17 year old living in Minnesota. Evidently, one day while at the Mall of America shopping for new clothes an older man approached “Stacey” and offered to buy her clothes so he could see her in them. She agreed and went home with $250 worth of new threads. From there “Stacey” started to strip for money in hotel rooms and that evidently lead to sex. She reportedly set up a voicemail box on a dating service looking for well off men looking for a good time. “Stacey’s” going rate? $400. What do her parents think? Well, until she was arrested, her parents didn’t know. “Stacey” would tell them she was going to the mall or friends and be sure to be home before midnight, her curfew. What did “Stacey” have to say about this? “Potentially good sex is a small price to pay for the freedom to spend money on what I want.” The FBI and other agencies are calling this “Designer Sex”–meaning that teens are having sex in order to afford designer clothes or electronics. In the end, “Stacey” was caught after a typical hotel meeting with her and two other teenagers turned out to be set up by an undercover detective. Oops. Moral of this story: screen your phone calls.

I mentioned earlier that Schwarzenegger is running for governor of California. Let me quickly run down some of the other people on the California ballot. Garry Coleman, the “cute little black midget” (Bubba Whoop Ass Wilson) who stared on Different Strokes, is running not to win, but to bring others to the polls. How thoughtful. “Hustler” publisher Larry Flint is running and actually expects to win. I don’t know about you but if he runs his campaign anything like that movie about him (‘The People vs. Larry Flint’) he might have a chance. Apparently there are a few other porn stars, some politicians including California’s current Lt. Governor, the capital buildings janitor and yes, me. Not really. However, there are roughly 200 people on the ballot because, well, all it takes in $3,500 and 65 signatures to be there. But if you ask me, my money is on Arnold. Heavily underrated by pretty much everyone, Arnold is quite intelligent and–I believe–has what it takes to turn that state around. Though, come October we’ll see what the faithful people of California (saw it in an Arnold voice) have to say. Moral of this story: when you can’t find other weird stuff in the news, default to crazy political happenings.

And finally, I saw that this evening the annual Miss Teen USA Pageant is on NBC. You know what this means, a whole new flock of prostitutes out on the streets.