On February 3, 1959, a small-plane crash near Clear Lake, Iowa, United States killed three American rock and roll musicians: Buddy Holly, Ritchie Valens, and J. P. “The Big Bopper” Richardson, as well as the pilot, Roger Peterson. The day was later called The Day the Music Died by Don McLean in his 1971 song “American Pie”.
The unfortunate death of these three musical legends spurred many memorials and tributes over the years, but none as well known as Don McLean’s “American Pie.” So, what a better way to honor the golden anniversary then a YouTube video of Don letting it all out?
Now can someone please tell Britney Spears and Beyonce that the music, is in fact, dead?
As we come to the end of another glorious year we’re given an opportunity to look back from whence we came. The best way of doing so, as evidenced by the countless TV shows and posts across the internet, is through a year in review. Like everything else around here, things are handled a little bit differently. So, without further whoop-de-do (it sounds better, go with it), I present the 31st Annual Justies.
Best Olympic Moment Not Involving Michael Phelps
The Olympics were two of the greatest weeks of 2008 and there were dozens of amazing moments ranging from the incredible Opening Ceremonies to the unforgettable I Love Beijing theme song. There were so many great moments this year it’s hard to choose just one that stands out. Ok, that’s a lie. There’s one moment that was far better than any other and is, quite frankly, the greatest moment in aquatic sports history. The Justie for the Best Olympic Moment Not Involving Michael Phelps goes to Jason Lezak’s amazing comeback in the 4×100 relay which won the USA a gold and created one hell of a story. There has never been a comeback quite like that nor has there been an instance of shear determination. Way to go Lezak, way to go.
Greatest Thing on TV
All in all, it’s been a pretty crappy year for TV. The Writers Strike cut a lot of seasons short and seemed to affect the quality of TV for this season as well. So the pool to draw from here is obviously pretty slim. But there were some stand outs. The Office and 30 Rock have been stellar and new shows Fringe and Life on Mars have been entertaining. But one show has been better than the rest, so the Justie for Greatest Thing on TV goes to Chuck. Chuck is consistently entertaining and just quirky enough to be endearing but it was “Chuck Verses Tom Sawyer” that pulled it in. Twin Galaxies, arcade games and Rush? Can’t get much better than that.
Best Unintentional Use of Keywords to Drive in Search Engine Traffic
People search for funny things on the internet. Some people spend tons of money and time trying to figure out the best combination of Julianne Hough, Will Smith, Taylor Swift, Britney Spears, Tom Cruise, the Jonas Brothers and Wil Wheaton to get their search engine ranking high enough for people to notice. Around here I do things a little different. I write things and then see how people find them. If a Miley Cyrus mention gets slipped in, well, so be it. It was earlier this year while perusing my site logs that I came across this category’s winner. The Justie for Best Unintentional Use of Keywords to Drive in Search Engine Traffic goes to this post about Chinese food and Kevin Smith’s Zack and Miri Make a Porno. I’ll let you figure out what people were searching for.
Crappiest Thing to Happen to Someone Other Than Me
A lot of crappy things happened in 2008 including hurricanes, floods, earthquakes, fires and a new Rambo movie. I jumped off a cliff and blacked out in the water, but I’m exempt from this category for obvious reasons. No, there was one crappy thing that unfortunately deserves this Justie; the Crappiest Thing to Happen to Someone Other Than Me Justie goes to the economy. Sure, I’m affected indirectly, but whatever. The economy pretty much sucked this year and have put hundreds of thousands out of work. Unfortunately it looks like it may get worse before it gets better but one thing is for certain, it will get better. Here’s to hoping that the economy earns the 2009 Justie for the Greatest Thing to Happen to Someone Other Than Me.
Most Addicting Social Media Outlet
Hello my name is Justin and I’m a social media addict. This year there were plenty of social media sites begging to earn an addiction: Facebook, Shelfari, Strands, and Last.fm just to name a few. But there was one that stood out far above the rest — possibly combined. The Justie for the Most Addicting Social Media Outlet goes to Twitter. I wasn’t the only one addicted either. Not only did twitt rank as one of the years ‘buzzwords’, but now CNN even takes comments — and in some cases breaking news — from Twitter.
Strangest Nuance in a City I’ve Traveled To
This one is a tough one to call. I’ve been a number of places this year including Seattle, The Bahamas, New Orleans, Key West, North Carolina, Georgia and Utah. In those various places I’ve seen a fair share of strange things, like the odd traffic lights on the highway in Seattle, but by far the Strangest Nuance in a City I’ve Traveled To goes to Utah. Why Utah? Their numbering of streets is absolutely ridiculous. Everything is laid out in a grid, which makes sense, but that grid is far too large. For instance, we had to turn from S 700 E onto E 10600 S. Does that make any sense? Then, thrown into the middle of that was State St which does make sense. I don’t get it. Way to earn that Justie, Utah.
Coolest Thing of the Year
Despite all the crappy things that happened, 2008 had it’s share of some pretty cool things. Myron Rolle won a Rhodes Scholarship and I read Snow Crash, both pretty cool. The Dark Knight made a ton of money while the Devil Rays won the American League without any. Tiger Woods had the comeback of his career and Bill Gates ended his. All of these things are pretty cool, but only one can win the Award. The 2008 Justie for the Coolest Thing of the Year goes to The Olympics.
It was going to be pretty hard to beat the summer games. They began with the coolest Opening Ceremony ever performed (no video links available, stupid NBC) and included some unforgettable moments, a lot of which occurred in the pool. Michael Phelps won a record setting 8 gold medals, which will probably never happen again. Countless records were broken, smaller countries shined and for a few weeks in August the world actually came together and enjoyed each others company. You can’t really get much cooler than that.
All the Justies have been handed out and I’ve got nothing left for 2008. The ball will soon drop and bring in 2009. Let’s see what happens.
Every now and again it seems as if our world turns upside down–maybe even inside out. And now, in the middle of September, with seven weeks left until the presidential election and eleven until the end of hurricane season, the world has flipped–or is it flopped?
In case you haven’t heard, the once dubbed “Pop Princess” has officially married… again. A few days ago Britney Spears married some guy in a private “family only” ceremony. I wonder if the guy she got married too while she was drunk in Vegas was there. That would be interesting. I also wonder why it was considered “family only.” You think Britney would be trying to clean up her image. I mean, a kiss with her new husband is probably going to pick up better press then a kiss with Madonna. Wait, who am I kidding? Anyway, the fact that Britney is again married is going to kill her career–not that she really has one anymore, but you know, its all relative. I can see her trying to ride on “The Newlyweds” coattails and try to get a show of her own, but face it, Britney just isn’t as stupid as Jessica Simpson. So Britney, sorry to say, but your time has come and gone.
BREAKING NEWS:
This just in exclusively to Lone Palm Creations, President Bush makes deal with God to prevent further hurricane devastation in Florida.
LPC has just unearthed a memo written by God to Mother Nature. The exclusive document explains how God agreed to stop sending hurricanes into Florida in order to help President Bush get reelected. LPC has verified God’s signature in the memo as authentic based on past memos in our archive. Here is the document in its entirety:
Expect more on this breaking story as it develops, and remember you heard it here first.
In other news, McDonald’s France has hired on the Olsen Twins to be their new spokes-ah-twins. The two and only, newly legal, Mary-Kate and Ashley will not only be trying to sell the McArtery-Cloger to their millions of French fans, but they will also be putting Mary-Kate and Ashley toys in French Happy Meals. Ok, correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Mary-Kate just take a ride in rehab because of an “eating disorder?” I guess McDonald’s doesn’t care. Maybe the French don’t either. But does anyone else find this a little strange. I wonder what happens when someone goes from being anorexic to eating McDonalds all the time. The guy from Super Size Me should look into that. Here is the premise: Take little anorexic Mary-Kate Olsen and follow her around for a month, only allowing her to eat McDonald’s food. I think she would explode. It’d make millions. And hey, its not like the world would be any worse off, we’d still have Ashley.
This just in: LPC can no longer say with great certainty that the document produced earlier is authentic. We are very sorry for this very unfortunate turn of events and in no way intended to mislead the public or affect the presidential election. In our defense, Dan Rather gave the memo to LPC and personally assured us that John Kerry assured him the memo was indeed authentic. Again, LPC is sorry for this.
Ok, so Bush didn’t make a deal with God and Dan Rather didn’t give us any memo. But let me say this about the upcoming election. I could care less about what Senator Kerry did or didn’t do in Vietnam. Likewise, I don’t care whether or not President Bush got special treatment in getting into the National Guard. This election should be about what the person will do as President of the United States of America. Bush has four years of experience under his belt and, like it or not, he is running on it. Kerry has twenty years of experience in the US Senate but is he running on that? No, of course not, that would be silly. What is more important, of course, is the four months Kerry spent in Vietnam thirty years ago. Listen people, there is only a short time left before the election. The debates are just around the corner. Make your decision on who to vote for based on policy and not the mudslinging and crap that doesn’t really matter. And if you are eligible to vote, but aren’t registered, October 4th is the deadline to do so.
Finally, I just celebrated my twenty-second birthday; I am currently one sixth of the way through my senior year here at Florida State University and have absolutely no idea what my “Service Operations” class is all about. Test in there on Thursday. I think I’m going to try and figure out just what it is.
Welcome to 2004. This year has a lot of potential to live up to. I mean, it’s a leap year, there’s an Olympic Games set for Athens, Greece, and oh yeah, there’s that presidential election thing in November. Though, I want to put all that aside for a little bit and get to what really matter for the New Year: resolutions.
Let’s face it. Everyone who reads this drivel is a common person and common people make common resolutions: loose weight, read a book, eat a baby, etc. Because of this, it wouldn’t be much fun to talk about these. So, I’m going to use my power to make resolutions not for myself, but for people who really need them: celebrities.
My first resolution is for Miss Britney Spears. Oh wait, I’m sorry, it’s now Mrs. Britney Alexander. In case you haven’t heard pop music’s little school girl who apparently wed her “longtime friend” Jason Alexander (no guys, is not the one who went to Boone) in Las Vegas. Was she drunk? Will it be annulled when the court opens tomorrow morning? Who knows, but here is Britney’s resolution for 2004: If you annul this marriage, remember the story of the boy who cried wolf because I don’t want to see you on CNN saying “Oops I did it again…”
The next resolution I’m going to dish out this evening is for the one and only Michael Jackson. You may be crazy, and you may or may not have touched that little boy where the sun don’t shine while he slept in your bed, I don’t really care. But, one thing I’m pretty certain about is that the police didn’t abuse you as you so claim. So, give it up. Try and go to trial with some sort of dignity, well at least as much as a former black man turned white woman can have.
Xavier Beitia, this next one’s for you. Two years ago it was wide left, two nights ago it was wide right. In nine months you get to play Miami again. Your resolution should be to learn to kick against them. Because, you know, with Jeff Bowden calling plays and Chris Rix attempting to make them, FSU needs some help.
Finally, as I’m sure everyone knows Mary Kate and Ashley Olsen turn 18 this year. Like I’ve mentioned before, a quick search for “Olsen Twins Countdown” on Google will bring up dozens of websites dedicated to informing the waiting public of the exact number of seconds until this occurs. So, to the Olsen twins: follow in the great Hilton sisters footsteps that have paved the way before you. You should strive to be like them — just, you know, minus the severe stupidity.
Best Olympic Moment Not Involving Michael Phelps