Justin Cox
Beware the Splintery Executive
This whole thing started with Ashley Awesome and was followed up with Gretch-a-Sketch, but there is a pretty cool website where you can create your own super hero. You pick the pieces and it creates the name, hence the lame “Splintery Executive” moniker. Either way, it’s pretty cool.
Speak loudly and carry a small stick. Wait, what?
As I was creating this thing I was wondering what the Splintery Executive’s storyline would be. So, without further adieu, here’s what I came up with.
Captain Splintery Executive: Issue 1
While filming Rocky IV in Siberia (it really wasn’t filmed there, it was filmed in Wyoming, just go with it), Dolph Lundgren was exposed to a frigid blast of super chilled air. Since he was all spritzed and oiled for filming purposes, his skin immediately froze and hardened into an impenetrable icy shell. This was all hidden with makeup in order to finish filming the movie. Either way, Lundgren now had a super hard skin which made him an immediate candidate for a superhero.
After filming Dolph met up with famed superhero publicist, Archie Washington III, who decided that no one would suspect Dolph if his crime fighting alter-ego donned a business suit and a tie. But dark glasses wouldn’t hurt either, and a cape. Washington III gave Dolph a badge and a stick to wield, because, well, it’s more imposing to cary a stick. Thus Captain Splintery Executive was born.
Other than Sylvester Stallone, Splintery Executive’s only known nemesis is a tanning bed. This, of course, means Lundgren’s hero (or is it adventuring?) career won’t last very long. Just long enough to make a few bucks with movie rights and the possible Justice League/Advengers style team-up with the Winged Librarian and Raptor Lass.